Shining Light on My Darkness: Finding Freedom in Feeling

For many years, I lived in fear – fear of life, fear of being seen, fear of feeling too much, fear of being too much. But over time, I realized what I was truly afraid of was myself – my shadow. The parts of me I deemed unacceptable.

Our shadow self isn’t something to get rid of. It’s simply the parts of us we’ve hidden – the emotions we’ve been taught to hide, the pain we’ve buried so deeply we forgot it existed.

For most of my life, I feared my own anger and rage. I believed that something must be wrong with me – that who I was, at my core, was somehow broken. I learned early on that being a “good girl” kept me safe. If I behaved well, maybe no one would see the fire that lived inside me. But that fire always found a way to burn through – often triggered by those I loved the most.

It terrified me. I did everything I could to contain it – to push it down, to be the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect woman. If I could prove my goodness, maybe I could hide the darkness.

But buried emotions don’t disappear. They seep into our relationships, our self-worth, our health, and our peace. My unspoken rage and unworthiness became the foundation for patterns of people-pleasing, overachieving, and settling for far less than I deserved.

It took me years – and a lot of honesty – to realize that my anger wasn’t who I was. It was energy asking to be seen, felt and released.

The moment I stopped judging it, everything began to shift.

My healing began when I discovered Yoga, then meditation and then energy work – all pathways that helped me connect my body and my mind, and eventually my Soul. It wasn’t an instant transformation, but a gradual homecoming. One breath at a time, I began to listen within.

Through this ongoing process – learning from incredible spiritual teachers, working with the chakras, and deepening into Ayurveda and also Reiki – I finally found alignment between my body, mind, and Soul. And with that alignment came the courage to feel what I had spent a lifetime avoiding.

I stopped hiding.
I stopped pretending.
I stopped needing to please.

And most importantly, I stopped fearing my own feelings.

Now, when anger, sadness, fear or unworthiness arises, I don’t see it as regression – I see it as an invitation. An opportunity to bring more love and compassion to myself.

I am not my darkness.
I am the light that sees it, feels it, loves it, and transforms it.

Our darkness is not bad.
It is simply the unknown. And in the unknown lies deep wisdom.

The moments we feel lost, triggered, or afraid are often the very moments our Soul is whispering: “Come home. There is more for you to learn here.”

When we avoid our darkness, it hides in our fears, our shame, our judgments, our exhaustion, and even in our bodies as illness or pain. But when we are willing to shine light on it – to speak it, feel it, and love it – the energy begins to move. We reconnect to our truth, our worthiness, and our joy.

Today, I am no longer afraid of my darkness. I can step back, breathe, and allow the lesson to unfold. It always brings me closer to love.

Am I immune to anger, fear, or low self-esteem?
Of course not. I am human.

But I am also a Soul – learning, expanding and remembering who I truly am.

And who I am… is love.

Who I am becoming… is peace.

When we align body, mind and Soul, we ignite a light within that never fades. It gives us the courage to look at what we’ve avoided and the compassion to feel what we once feared.

So, I ask you:

• What is your darkness asking you to feel?
• What lesson is waiting for you beneath the fear, the anger or the sadness?
• What parts of you are ready to come home to the light?

Today’s Affirmation and Intention:

“I compassionately shine light on the darkest parts of myself. I give them a voice. I allow myself to feel them.”

Remember – your darkness is not your enemy. It is the doorway to your wholeness.
When you feel ready, find a safe space or trusted friend to share what you’ve hidden. Speak it. Feel it. Let it move through you.

Because when light meets darkness, love always wins. And this is how we begin to live as our whole, aligned, authentic self.

Remember… this is a journey, not a destination AND you are worth it.

If you are interested in any private coaching, Reiki or Ayurveda sessions; Contact me at 780 722-3442 or email me at leslie@wellnessdefined.ca

Namaste my friends;
Leslie 🙏🩵