Emotional Wellness

Happiness is an inside job

Sure the outside world can help contribute to our happiness but if we are solely dependent on outside sources for our happiness – then suffering is sure to be our experience

This week we get a really good insight into how we can create our own happiness

What makes you happy?

We could each make a list of what makes us happy, but the bottom line is that whatever words you write down,  there is a common denominator and it is simply that…

We are happy when our needs are met

What makes you happy and what makes me happy could be totally different, which is why “trying” to make someone else happy is usually an impossible task.

We could each make a list of our desired needs and that list will also be completely different.

So how do we find happiness and how do we get our needs met when everyone’s perception of happiness is different and our perception of whether our needs are met is even different?

Bare with me here…

Last week we explored our gut health and the importance of creating a strong digestive fire in our system (called Agni). We also explored what happens in our body when our digestive fire (Agni) is weak. Toxins (ama) builds up in our system and our digestive system does not have the ability to digest our food or our experiences properly – this then affects our entire system. Every organ in our body is affected when we have a buildup of toxins (ama) and a weak digestive fire (Agni) – this buildup of toxins can then create dis-ease.

Click here to read last week’s blog post for simple ways and awareness’s to increase your digestive fire!

Just as having a healthy balanced  diet and taking steps to increase our digestive fire is important, so is the awareness to our emotional wellness. We could be eating healthy and making positive changes in our daily habits, but if we are in a constant state of stress and needing to control our outside environment to meet our needs – then we are accumulating emotional toxins (ama) internally.

Looking outward for our core needs to be met is the source of a lot of stress in our lives and that stress is weakening our digestive fire and affecting our ability to digest the foods we eat and the experiences we are having.

Whether it is the food we eat, the habits we have, the air we breathe, the thoughts we think or our inability to process our emotions – it all comes down to the same thing. We have toxins building up in our system and if we don’t find a way to reduce these toxins and increase our digestive fire – our gut health is compromised and over-time disease will set in.

Maybe for many of us it already has

It is not too late to make some much needed changes

When we empower ourselves to meet our own core needs and relieve others from that task then we begin to increase our digestive fire and not only can we utilize and digest our food more efficiently but we can;

• Digest the thoughts that we think
• Digest the emotions we are feeling
• Digest the experiences we are having

This is when our agni (our digestive fire) gets turned up and powers up our gut health and our overall well-being.

 Being healthy is so much more than simply eating healthy (although it is definitely a major factor)

Being healthy is also about our emotional and our mental health. When we are suffering emotionally and experiencing frustration, irritation, anger, sadness, fear, worry or overwhelm regularly in our day then it means that we are perceiving that our needs are not being met and we are under far too much stress in our life.

It is time to stop and make some changes

It is time to stop and breathe

It is time to stop and reflect

It is time to stop and FEEL

“Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional”

Whether your pain is physical or emotional, it is inevitable. We all will experience emotional and physical pain in our lives – it is unavoidable.

It is in the suffering that we have options but when we are under a lot of stress, and when we have accumulated a lot of ama in our system, we cannot see that suffering is an option.

At least it doesn’t feel like it is an option. The suffering seems very real.

But suffering IS an option

We don’t have to suffer – even when we are feeling pain and discomfort

We can be happy – no matter what

This is where we need to step back, open our minds and our hearts to;

• a new way of looking at our life
• a new way of being
• a new way of handling our stress

Is your health worth it?

Ayurveda is all about creating balance in our body, mind and soul and in this awareness of balance, we can take back control of our life and ultimately our health

Let’s take a look at what our core needs are

In Ayurveda there are 4 fundamental human needs that we all have

These four fundamental human needs are what Deepak Chopra calls the “4 A’s”

They are;

1. Attention
2. Affection
3. Acceptance
4. Appreciation

When these 4 fundamental needs are met, we feel comfortable emotions arise within us. We may feel cheerful, peaceful, relaxed, grateful, curious, excited, inspired, loving, joyful, playful and safe. And when we experience these comfortable emotions – we feel happy. We are content. Life is good!  Ideally, we want to meet these fundamental needs within ourselves. If these needs are met from an outside source that is a definite bonus but it is not necessary for our happiness. This is where our inner work creates our inner strength.

When any one of these needs are NOT met, we feel uncomfortable emotions arise. As a society we do not like to feel discomfort in our body. Whether it is physical or emotional discomfort, all we know is we want to move away from the discomfort and so we often do whatever we can to avoid feeling them. Instead we try to deny them or avoid them, we withdrawal and we numb them. There are many ways to numb them. We can numb them with food, drugs, medications, shopping, alcohol, sex, gambling, television, work and even exercise.

We think that by numbing them we have avoided them but they will show up in other ways. They will show up as pain and discomfort in our body. First they will show up as a headache, a stomach ache, a rash or as tension. If we continue to avoid or ignore them they will show up louder, as an allergy, as arthritis, as anxiety, depression or as a distraction that causes an accident or a fall and they can eventually show up as a serious illness.

We need to release these emotions out of our body and feeling them is the only way to truly release them

When we allow ourselves to sit with the discomfort and let the emotion run through us – we have the ability to transform the emotion and the pain or discomfort from our body.

This means sitting with the uncomfortable sensations and uncomfortable feelings in our body. This means recognizing where in the body the discomfort is and letting it be there. This means going inward to ask ourselves some questions.

Of course, this is not easy to do. It means changing our habitual patterns up, it means stopping ourselves from our initial reactions to defend and protect ourselves and to instead be vulnerable and open.

When any one of our fundamental needs are not met we can experience a whole array of emotions. From anger to frustration and irritation. From worry to anxiety and sadness. From jealousy to loneliness and emptiness. From overwhelm to unease and resentment. From afraid to nervous to tired and withdrawn.

All come with our tendencies to react in habitual ways

With each of these emotions there is a sensation present in the body. This is the discomfort we feel and may try to numb.  Some people may bypass the sensation completely and instead build momentum by creating a story to attach to the experience. Usually a story of “this is what is or has happened to me” and then the momentum grows and grows each time that story is shared with another until they end up suffering in the “truth” of their created victim story.

This is where it is important to see the suffering as an option – the pain is inevitable and if we can sit with that pain, we can transform the suffering into a learning experience, a gift and even an opportunity.

If we choose the suffering, and many of us do, because it is familiar and there is comfort in the known, then over time, avoiding, denying and ignoring these uncomfortable emotions, feelings and sensations in our body, leads to so much emotional ama (toxicity) in our body that eventually we end up with a serious physical aliment or diagnosis.

What other options do we have?

We could choose instead to…

S.T.O.P

S…Stop – pause – be willing to choose a different way of reacting by removing yourself from the current emotional trigger in any way you can and then asking yourself “Which of the 4 needs is not getting met for me right now? What do I need that I am not receiving?” NOTE; this is not about controlling the situation to get our immediate need met – but to bring awareness to what emotions arise when we are experiencing this unmet need. (After this process the need itself often dissipates)

T…Take 3 slow deep breathes, while you begin to identify what uncomfortable emotion is arising in you because this need is not being met. Name the emotion or emotions. Don’t judge them, just name them.

O…Observe the sensations and feelings that are arising in your body. This is “sitting with your emotion” Where are you feeling the emotion in your body? Know that this can get intense and the desire to flee (and resort to old ways of numbing) will occur – but if you can stay with observing the emotion and feeling the sensations…they will subside. This can take anywhere from a few seconds to a few minutes. A few minutes of fully feeling the intense sensations can seem like a lifetime but they will subside – just stay with it and BREATHE. Once the intensity of the sensation has subsided – you are ready to release it. Tears may need to be shed, cries may need to escape – do not hold anything back – let it all flow.

P…Proceed to release the emotion. This can be done with some sort of physical exercise – going for a run or walk, dancing, screaming or deep breathing. It can be in the form of punching a boxing bag or a pillow as you release the emotions through whatever sounds need to come out. This can be in the form of a ritual – writing the emotion or experience on a piece of paper and then burning it. You find whatever works for you in the moment. You will know what feels right.

Then celebrate! You have released your stuck emotion, your emotional pain and your story! You may feel exhausted. But you will feel lighter and the exhaustion will be replaced with an openness, an awareness and possibly a revelation or two.

Now, you have opened up the space to find the opportunity, the lesson and ultimately your growth in the experience – the reason you had the emotion.

Sitting with our pain, not dwelling in it, but sitting with it, feeling it and experiencing it, is the key to releasing it.

Once you get used to this process, it gets easier and less intense and the best part is, you begin to open up space to allow in ways that YOU can meet your own needs.

And this is where our intention setting practice comes in really nicely

Using the 4 fundamental needs set your intentions around these 4A’s

This Week’s Intention Setting

1. “Today, I give myself attention by…”
2. “Today I give myself affection by…”
3. “Today, I give myself acceptance by…”
4. “Today. I give myself appreciation by…”
5. “Today, I am aware of what emotions I am feeling when my needs are not met”
6. “Today, I will choose not to react to my emotional triggers and instead S.T.O.P to feel and allow whatever sensations arise”
7. “What can I do today to meet my own needs?”
8. “Today, I will look for ways to fulfill a need for someone I see struggling”

We can always practice the “law of giving” by looking for ways to fulfill any of these 4 needs in someone we see suffering or struggling. If there is someone in your life you have been wanting to help but have not been able to figure out how – look to the 4 A’s. Maybe the best thing you can do for them is give them a hug (affection), maybe it is listening to them without needing to fix anything (attention), maybe it is accepting them just as they are, maybe it is letting them know how much you appreciate them and maybe you can do all 4 and really make someone’s day 🙂

This week is a deep dive into emotional wellness by freeing ourselves from past reactions to our unmet needs and in doing so releasing trapped emotions that have been contributing to a weak digestive fire. This is not an easy process so be gentle with yourself and if you are interested in any private coaching sessions; Contact Leslie at 780 722-3442 or email at leslie@wellnessdefined.ca

Private Ayurveda sessions also available.