My Journey from Fear to Love

I speak of my daughter’s struggles with happiness in this week’s video and here is the link to the beautiful poem she wrote last week. If you struggle everyday to keep your head above water – Jennifer’s poem may bring you some hope.

Click here to read “Love always finds me” by author Jennifer Walsh: https://www.booksie.com/692113-love-always-finds-me

Happiness within – reflection time

What creates happiness in my life is going to be different than what creates happiness in your life.

What does happiness look like to you?

What does it feel like?

How does happiness show up for you in your life?

Would you say you have an abundance of happiness in your life? Or does it feel like you are always seeking something outside of yourself that you are sure will bring you happiness? (Otherwise known as the “I’ll be happen when…”syndrome)

I am going to share my experience.

Without getting into the details of my life – I have lived a pretty charmed life. In almost all stages of my life anyone could look at my life and assume that I had it all and that I must be happy. Who wouldn’t be happy in my life? I definitely did my best to make everything in my life look perfect and hide the dysfunction and I am sure there were many people who would have loved to have traded places with me at any given time.

But I was very unhappy and I definitely looked outside of myself for that happiness to be fulfilled.

I lived most of my life in irrational fear.

I was afraid of so many things.

I always expected the worst case scenario.

And I blamed my unhappiness on everything and everyone other than myself.

Had you told me then that love lived inside of me and that I was responsible for my own happiness – I would have rolled my eyes and said “yeah, right” and then listed off all of  I’ll be happy when…” conditions.

Obviously, this way of living and being did not serve me well.

I say all of my fears were irrational, because they were rooted in worst case scenarios and the expectation that the outer world had to change for me to feel safe and find happiness.

The fear within me caused me to become someone I was not. I needed to make so many adjustments to myself (my personality) in order to cover up my anxiety and my deepest darkest thoughts. I did whatever I could so that I could feel safe yet in reality all I did was build myself into a prison.

Yet… there were always these whispers – whispers that would tell me that everything was going to be okay and guide me forward. When I listened to these whispers I made some really good choices in my life. Choices that back then may have made no sense to me other than they felt good and felt right and in hindsight I’ve realized these guided feel good choices have lead me to where I am today. These whispers would always come on those darkest days, when I needed to make the scariest of decisions in my life. These whispers saved my life. These whispers always spoke to me with love and I just KNEW I was safe – even when facing uncertainty. Living most of my life in fear – I couldn’t explain it – I could only feel it and know it was right.

The many times I followed the loud fearful voice inside of my head it lead down a long winding road of struggle, mental anxiety and bad decisions – one of which was to stay way too long in an unhealthy marriage.

I still listened to the whispers though and there came a point in my life when I desperately needed to hear those loving whispers

Amongst many good choices these whispers guided along my life, they guided me towards taking care of myself, they guided me towards counselling, they guided me towards yoga, and they guided me towards meditation. And down this guided road I discovered that yes,  I am responsible for my own happiness and it is up to me to create it. This is when I took my power back and began my journey from fear to love.

Through yoga and meditation these whispers of love got louder and the voice of fear in my head got quieter and then I could see so much clearer.

It has been quite the journey for me.

We are all on this journey and yours will look different than mine – that is why details are not important but we are all the same.

If you are struggling anywhere in your life, check in – are you listening to the voice of fear more than the whispers of love?

I am no way near the end of my journey. Fear still creeps up on me – even on my best days, however I wholeheartedly believe we are all born love and when we die we will all pass over back into love and this physical world we live in called Earth is the “school” we get to experience our lessons in – so we can discover our happiness.

This is authentic happiness.

Am I happy?

Yes.

Am I authentically happy?

Yes.

Can I define what happiness looks like, feels like and how happiness shows up for me?

Yes.

For me happiness is…

• Love
• Forgiveness
• Gratitude
• Peace
• Acceptance
• Freedom to be me
• An open mind
• An open heart
• Kindness
• Healing
• Joy and laughter
• Teaching love
• Helping others find their peace

For me happiness has come in releasing…

• Blame
• Fear
• Shame
• Judgements
• Guilt
• Resentments
• That part of myself that needed to be accepted, adored or even just liked.

AND most importantly…

Happiness is a KNOWING. A knowing that even if the worst of my deepest fears actually happen…I will be okay.

I will be okay

It is a knowing that in whatever unfolds around me – I have the inner strength and the willingness to feel all of my emotions, face even my deepest fears and I know that I WILL be okay.

I will be okay

It’s a knowing that love will always find me.

We need to feel in order to heal and this means leading with our heart and letting love in.

Yoga and meditation allowed this process to unfold for me.

My journey from fear to love has been a long and often self-sabotaging painful one but I am eternally grateful for all of my fears and all of my practices that have lead me down this path to see the love that has always been inside of me and has lead me to create my happiness.

So for me to read my “struggling” daughter’s poem last week called “love will always find me” it brought tears to my eyes, words to this blog and hope into my heart. And for anyone who also struggles to find their way in this world read Jennifer’s poem. It will bring you some hope.

Here is the link again : https://www.booksie.com/692113-love-always-finds-me

I am sending you all my deepest wishes for happiness, joy and laughter.

This Week’s Intention

1. Define what happiness looks like, feels like and how it shows up for you.
2. Meditate daily
3. Practice Yoga
4. Practice self-love and non-judgement
5. Know that love will always find you.

Be well my friends!

Leslie

leslie@wellnessdefined.ca

780 722-3442