Relationship Wellness

Relationships are our greatest teachers. I have come to believe through my own (often painful) self-reflection over the years that all relationships are assignments that my Soul came here to experience so that I could learn to understand myself from a deeper perspective.

Relationships are assignments and the people we are in relationship with are our teachers. This is how we grow and evolve as human beings. The more challenging the relationship; the bigger the lesson; the greater the teacher.

This is true whether this is your;

• Partner
• Children
• Parents
• Friend
• Enemy
• Past lover, past friend or ex.
• Co-worker, employee, employer, team mate, coach.
• Cashier at the store
• Server or customer at the restaurant

Appreciate people in this life who challenge and trigger you the most; they are your greatest teachers!

The next time you are triggered by anyone pause to remember that every person and every relationship is a mirror for you to get a glimpse into what needs to be healed within YOU.

The next time you judge a challenging person in your life OR even that stranger on the street pause to remember that what you see in others is actually a reflection of you.

 “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is a part of yourself. What isn’t part of ourselves doesn’t disturb us”

~Hermann Hess 

This reflection of you – that you are judging in another – will not only show you who you are currently being but it will give you the opportunity to turn this aspect of yourself around and be a better person. You CAN turn it around IF you are willing to see them as your reflection.

If your greatest teacher and toughest relationship is not met with self-acceptance and a loving, compassionate heart; this relationship will continue on and has the capacity to destroy your self-confidence, self-esteem and self-worth. Even if the other person is not in your life anymore.

Your ego gets caught up in the story and cannot see the assignment because you are disillusioned by the pain, the hurt, the injustice, the judgement and/or the problem.

This is why working on the relationship with yourself and learning to like, love, accept, honor and accept all aspects of yourself is so very important.

This means learning to love those parts of yourself you are ashamed of, that you deem as weak or unacceptable and essentially try to hide from the world.

When you embrace these parts of yourself and these parts of your psyche; you practice self-acceptance.

In practicing self-acceptance and self-love you align with your Soul. Your Soul sees the assignment clearly and a whole new perspective will be put forth onto this relationship.

The Soul (who shows up when you align with love and acceptance for yourself) knows this is an assignment and shines light and acceptance onto the darkest parts of yourself. Your Soul learns the lesson, appreciates the assignment and then move on or evolves as a human being through the relationship.

The relationship itself will either evolve as well, or it will dissolve – either way you will find peace.

Just a heads up that your Ego will come out loud and defensive every time you are triggered by someone and it will say “There is NO Way this thing I am judging in them – is a reflection of me!!”

When this happens (and it will) you have 2 choices…

1. Agree with your ego and continue judging, blaming and suffering through not only this relationship, but all similar relationships that keep showing up in your life.
2. Drop the defense and go inward. Shine a light on this very profound truth so you can make friends with your fears, hurts, perceived faults, weaknesses, shames, guilt’s and ego stories. Love yourself in spite of them all – they are after all just your ego’s perception of you. Appreciate that your greatest teacher has offered you the opportunity to learn, grow and move beyond the illusion of the mask your ego puts on every day.

FYI…this is a process so go easy on yourself.

The most asked question I get when I coach someone through this is “Why do I want to subject myself to this “inner work”? This is of course the insecure ego asking, as it would much rather project it’s flaws onto others instead of shining light on it’s weaknesses.

My answer is always the same – because on the other side of the judgements, pain, hurt, obstacles and problems is abundance, acceptance, love, happiness and solutions.

You just have to figure out if you are worth it – because you are the only one who can do it.

Speaking from my own experience – the discomfort of holding onto my ego stories became way more painful (physically, mentally and emotionally) than the process of letting go and turning inward to shine light on my most shameful parts. Eventually I discovered indescribable peace and a newfound happiness. The only way for me to explain it would be to say doing this “inner work” has opened me up to a deeper capacity to love not only myself but others as well and to “be happy” no matter what (note; I am still a work in process – as I am still a human being) but the happiness I experience on a pretty steady basis far outweighs the suffering and struggles in my life. This is a big accomplishment for me; as suffering was my mental and emotional state of being for many, many years.

This Week’s Intention

1. Be willing to see all your relationships as assignments and all people as your teachers.
2. Create a healthy relationship with yourself by becoming friends with yourself. Practice self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance of those “darker” aspects of yourself. (side note; we all have them)
3. Describe and define what healthy relationships feel and look like to you – so you can begin to set your sights on those assignment!
4. Release anyone other than yourself as the one responsible for creating happiness in your life.

Wellness Defined’s personal development membership classes support this inward journey on a much deeper level. These blog posts and weekly tap in videos really are just the tip of the teachings. If you are ready to go deeper, contact Leslie at 780 722-3442 or email me at leslie@wellnessdefined.ca

Namaste my friends and teachers;

Leslie

P.S. Personal coaching sessions are also currently available at $85+gst an hour. This rate will be increasing soon – however if you mention you read this rate here in this blog – I will honor this rate for your first session until Oct 31^st 2023