Perspective & Authenticity

This past week was a big week for me. Clarity, truth and perspective. Tune into the video above as I share my lesson in standing in my truth and authenticity…

And read below for my journey towards finding…

Authenticity

For the longest time this word haunted me

Why?

Because I did not know how to be authentically me.

In hindsight I realize it was because I didn’t even know who “I” was

I would ask every teachers along my Yoga, Meditation and Spiritual path over the years “How do we find authenticity in this world?” and the answers they gave me – I either couldn’t “hear” or didn’t understand.

I didn’t understand their answers both because the answers were inside of me (and not inside of them) and although their answers were always brilliant they often eluded me because there were many lessons I still needed to learn first.

I couldn’t hear their answers because their answers came from their Soul and it was my ego asking the question. Which I know now is a completely different vibrational sound wave.

It is like requesting a song on the radio – then switching to a different station to hear it being played and then getting so frustrated that they didn’t play it! They of course played it – I was just not ready or willing to hear it and of course the fear of my ego is what compelled me to switch the station to avoid hearing the truth anyway. Until I was ready – I wasn’t going to “hear” it.

I get now why so many people in my life don’t “hear” or understand me and why I will often say something and get met with a complete blank stare – as if I am speaking a different language.

Through this life journey of mine I have always felt in my heart what is true for me – I really have – yet it went against “the norm” at least the norm in my surroundings and reality – so when others believed, thought or expressed a different opinion than me –  I would shut down, clam up and would definitely NOT speak up.

Instead I would question myself. I would question my beliefs. I would question my feelings. I would question my intuition. I would question my worth. I would ignore the messages my body was sending me both physically and emotionally.

Why?

Let me list the ways…

• To avoid a conflict.
• To keep the peace.
• To make others happy.
• To be liked.
• To be loved
• To be accepted.

I truly feared speaking what was true for me in my heart and in my Soul and then having someone dislike me, criticize me or shun me for who I was?

It only took a few experiences in my younger years to speak my real truth and be laughed at, criticized or sternly corrected for my ego to shut right up, quieten right down and turn myself into who I thought others wanted me to be – all so that I wouldn’t be laughed at, scolded or criticized and instead would be liked, loved and accepted.

This is how I lived most of my life.  And as I coach others to find their authenticity, truth and core values I realize many of us have lived this way too.

The biggest shift to finding your truth is – your perception – and whether or not you are open and aware of your ego and it’s thoughts and beliefs that keep you from finding true happiness, love and abundance in all areas of your life.

I believe what separates our society and creates havoc in all relationships the most is this unawareness of who we truly are and the illusion of who we believe ourselves to be.

I also believe that the Universe is an abundant place to live and that it offers all of us access to our pure potential and all that we desire. Opening to these beliefs, learning to love ourselves unconditionally and detaching from our ego fears is the gateway that opens the floodgates to all of the abundance of the Universe.

I kept these beliefs to myself for so long – not willing to risk being laughed at or called delusional. However… I would speak them in an attempt to try to control and manipulate others to change – of course this being the wrong energy to use this information in and myself still trying to find my own truth – it always ended in disaster.

This is why the word authenticity haunted me so much. I had lost myself in the desire to be liked, loved and accepted. I was living life for others.

Once I realized this, one of my biggest hurdles was to forgive myself for unintentionally teaching this same pattern to my 3 beautiful daughters.

I am sure this has been one the lessons my Soul came to this Earth school to learn.

When I finally started to shift my life around – I went to the other extreme and wanted to convince others around me of all that I believed. The key for me was to stand in my truth and not need to convince others of my “rightness” it was right for me – but it may not be right for someone else and once I realized this (and believe me – I have to remind myself of this OFTEN) I am able to stand even deeper and more authentically in my truth and stop judging others who are on their own journey of discovering whatever it is their Soul came here to discover and whatever that is – is absolutely no business of mine. This was a shift in perception that I needed in order to find peace with my life and all of my relationships.

How did I shift my life around once I realized my patterns for love and acceptance, control and righteousness?

I started by shifting my perception

Shifting the perception of;

• My beliefs
• My thoughts
• My emotions
• My desires
• My intentions
• My values
• My truth
• My judgements
• My choices
• My relationships
• My entire life

I had always admired those who were so confident and so passionate about what they believed.in and what they did. I admired those who made decisions quickly and didn’t give a damn what anyone thought of them.

I wanted that

How could I get THAT?

How could I BE that?

I wanted to be authentic.

Again…how do I achieve that??

This would be another one of my Soul lessons.

In this lifelong process of NOT being authentic I had to really learn to ask myself some uncomfortable and deep questions.

I needed to ask myself;

1. What it was that I did believe and what I did not believe.
2. Which beliefs were mine and which beliefs were programed into me by well-meaning and not so well-meaning “teachers” in my life.
3. Which beliefs served me well and which beliefs did not.
4. I had to get really clear on what it was that I believed in.
5. I had to get really passionate about what I believed in.
6. I needed to get really clear on what my values were.

I’m talking the deep core values that would eventually be the driving force that would shift the perceptions of my egoic thoughts and beliefs and govern the thoughts and beliefs of my soul – to create a new reality for myself.

This was just the tip of my journey. This has been MANY (worthwhile) years of internal work with many mistakes and “failures” along the way.

To become authentically me;

• I needed to BECOME what I believed in.
• I needed to BECOME my core values.
• I needed to live my core values in all areas of my life.

I needed to act into what I believed in and to respond to all of my life’s challenges in a way that honored what I truly believed in.

I also needed to let go of needing to be liked, needing to be loved and needing to be accepted.

The scariest thing for me is to open myself up to vulnerability of who I know myself to truly be and risk others not liking me and even worse…rejecting me.

I’ve had to get really okay with rejection.

I’ve had to get really okay with people not liking me or what I have to say.

I’ve had to learn how to believe in ME.

I’ve had to firmly believe in who I am – even and especially when it is different than what many other people in my life believed in.

And so my journey continues

As I speak my truth more and more – I feel amazing and I feel inspired.

And when speaking my truth makes a lot of people in my life uncomfortable…

I  still step back.

I  still quieten down.

I still allow my ego to tell me no one wants to hear what I have to say and just like clock work the Universe hands me a situation or trigger that mirrors these exact ego fears and frustrations.

Of course now I know this is all a part of the journey – but some days knowing this doesn’t make it any easier.

I am stronger now and more confident in myself.

What I know for sure is that it all begins and ends with me. I knew this but I wasn’t quite ready or prepared to take responsibility for this knowing.

I wasn’t ready until I was ready.

My Soul’s journey has always been about shifting my perception of everything and everyone and unconditionally loving myself.

It really has had much less to do with what I believed and whether others believe the same thing as me and much more to do with my desire to be liked, loved and accepted –  what the biggest perception shift has been for me – is that I used to look outward for my need for love and acceptance to be fulfilled – thank goodness that in this lifetime I’ve discovered that the only way for my desire to truly be liked, loved and accepted to be fulfilled – was to look inward.

I’ve recently experienced a pivotal “aha moment” when I declared – I was no longer going to sacrifice who I was or what I wanted for what others wanted or needed.

This is going to be an on-going journey for me and as I get more confident in speaking my truth and standing in the truth of my beliefs – I know many of my relationships will shift.

The best thing any of us can do is put ourselves first by speaking from our heart center (which is our truth), live each day with intention and alignment with our core values and stop trying to appease or please others in our fear of being rejected.

This means we need to get really clear with what it is that we want to think, feel and believe and if certain people in our lives do not like what we have to say, or like what we are doing – we accept that and we are okay with it but we will not change ourselves to appease them.

This also means we need to accept them as they are and let them have their beliefs.

All this is accepted with love and appreciation and not with anger, fear and frustration. This too requires a shift in perception.

Relationships are the toughest acceptance lessons of our Soul’s on-going journey. Letting go of those we love is never easy. Some relationships will get stronger, some will be heart wrenching to lose, some will dissolve and some relationships will fade away. Some days it will be much easier than other days but on this journey – we always have the choice to shift our perception.

My truth, my authenticity – the real me – my true self

Every day I set an intention to love, honor, forgive, appreciate and accept myself.  All of me. All parts of me. And in doing this I have discovered what it is that I truly believe. I have discovered what it is that I am truly passionate about AND most importantly I have discovered that the people in my life don’t have to believe or be passionate about the same thing. I still get triggered. I still need to sit with my tough emotions, my shadows and the parts of myself I deem as unacceptable AND I work though my “stuff” – without others needing to be a certain way for me to be okay.

 They can believe what they believe, and I can believe what I believe, and I can love them just the same.

If I make them uncomfortable or they can’t like, love or accept me for what I believe to be true for me – then they are not my people. And that is okay. The Universe will arrange for a natural shift of the relationship – once I let go of all the particular outcomes my ego wants to see unfold.

My Soul’s journey now has shifted to opening to the pure potential that my true self is AND the pure potential that is available to me (and all of us) within the Universe. BRING IT ON 🙂

Every day – I choose optimism. I choose to see the beauty in myself, in others, in humanity and in the world.

I choose to find the opportunity in all obstacles, gratitude in all situations and to focus my attention in the direction of best case scenarios instead of worst case ones.

But this didn’t come natural to me – it has been a work in progress.

And everyone around me can think I have my head in the sand, or I am not being realistic…however, I live most of my days in true happiness. I live in appreciation, I live in love. I live in joy and inspiration.

I set my core values over 10 years ago in my first life coaching course that I ever took and I was a far cry away from living those core values – but this week and this conversation that triggered me for a short while made me realize just how much I have grown because I can stand in my truth today and know I am authentically living my core values to the best of my ability every single day AND not only am I proud of myself – I am living an amazing life! No matter what chaos might be going on around me or in the world – I am happy. Really truly authentically happy.

 This Week’s Intention

1. Today, choose optimism.
2. Today, choose self-reflection and self-love.
3. Today, be willing to see yourself, people and situations from a different perspective.
4. Today, commit to finding the balance between accepting what is and creating a new reality for yourself through your thoughts and beliefs.

Contact me at leslie@wellnessdefined.ca if you would like to know anything about the on-line classes I offer or to book a personal session.

Namaste my friends,

Leslie