Taking Empowering Responsibility

BLOG POST with today’s video;

Where do you feel stuck in your life? For me…my fear of change kept me stuck for many years. I kept myself in unhappiness for far too long because change was too scary. Blaming (others, my circumstances & myself) allowed me to keep myself stuck in the comfort of my own dysfunction. Finally, and not until I was ready – I stepped into my power by taking responsibility for my life…

Taking full responsibility for my life was the single most empowering force of action I took to create happiness and flow in my life.

And by taking full responsibility I mean release all blame.

This means;

• Stop blaming yourself for any past choices or mistakes.
• Stop blaming anyone else for what they did to you – no matter what they did.
• Stop blaming any & all past, present & future situations for your current circumstances.

There is a harsh reality behind what makes us unhappy and I’ve called myself out in the Tap in video above because it is what kept ME stuck in a life I was very unhappy with for far too long.

The answer to the question “What was my because…?” (that I asked in the video) was FEAR

My “because” was Fear – with a capital F

I was stuck and could not move forward in my life because… I was so afraid of change! I was so afraid that I was willing to keep myself stuck in unhappiness and dysfunction just so that I wouldn’t have to face my fears and make the changes I needed to make.

I used blame to keep me stuck. I used blame to avoid taking responsibility for my life. I used blame to condemn, criticize and complain about so many thing in my life and of course I knew I was doing this – so I couldn’t even spare myself this condemning or criticizing wrath.    

As long as I could blame someone, myself included or something else for what wasn’t working in my life – I didn’t have to do anything about it…right? Because…it wasn’t my fault – I was just the victim. Right? Wrong…but I had convinced myself this was true. So as long as I told myself this – I was justified yet stuck in my suffering (and victim story).

Then there was a quote by Tony Robbins that rocked me to my very core when I heard it…

“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change”

I felt nauseous when I heard this quote. I knew he was right and I knew then that holding myself accountable was the only way to escape the prison of fear I had built around me.

I held the key. No one but me was keeping me locked inside that prison of fear.

Oh sure, I had people & situations to blame for my chaotic life but honestly – by the time I heard this quote – my story was getting old. I was getting sick of telling it and I was getting sick of hearing myself tell it. My body was speaking to me in so many ways and I was ignoring it all. I was avoiding the inner work. I was on a Spiritual path and everything on this path made sense to me but until I could stop blaming and start taking responsibility for my life, I could not take any real authentic action in the direction my Soul was pointing me towards.

It was time to grow up. It wasn’t just me I had put in this prison of fear. I had 3 children who watched me everyday keep myself there and even though they were very aware of the many reasons for my fear they couldn’t possibly see it the same way I did. Every person looks at the world through the eyes and illusions of their own mind, blockages, fears and experiences.

What was the truth anyway?

My truth, which was so clouded by my fears was going to be different than their perception of the truth and of course it was. Fear is a powerful force of illusion and it creates so many individual blockages within each person differently. I eventually realized I was looking only through my eyes and I was creating a story that needed to change – if not for my sake, then for my 3 girls. This was a jarring (and humbling) reality when one day one of my daughters, 14 years old at the time called me on it… there was that nauseous feeling again – right in the pit of my gut.

Things needed to change.

I needed to change. 

It was time for me to face my fears – but oh my God – HOW?  I had built this prison of fear – how was I now going to break free?

I had to want to break free.

I did now – it wasn’t just me in there. If fearful little Leslie couldn’t do it – then Mama Bear better buck up and do it. It was time to channel my Mama Bear energy.

Not until I was willing to stop blaming myself & every single outer circumstances in my life would I be able to change. I knew perfectly well the hold fear of change had on me. I resisted change with every fibre of my being. Exhaustion of needing to control everything and everyone in my life was starting to create cracks in my armour. Was I really this willing to live in dysfunction of my life just to avoid change? Was I also willing to take my children down with me?

No.

No longer was my fear of change going to keep me from taking responsibility for my life. The pain of staying this way was becoming just too great.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and it started with accepting where I was in my life, my part in it and then releasing the blame.  If I was going to take full responsibility for myself and my life I had to be willing to learn from my mistakes. I needed to forgive many of my choices as well as my perception of other people’s wrong-doings. I had to create some new truths for myself. I had to re-program my mind. Could I create a new future for myself? All the Spiritual teachings said I could and oh how I wanted to believe them. Thank goodness, I trusted the process.

This has been a long journey and it has not been easy. There were many days the thought of going back to that dysfunctional place of comfort was actually tempting but over time, through many tears and conquered fears – it got easier to do AND it began to feel so empowering.

It has certainly been a process (and one I keep learning new levels of) but my life is now full of happiness and flow and there is no way I want to go back to a life of suffering and resistance.

When I feel myself falling off my path of flow and resisting life again, I check in with myself;

• Why do I feel stuck?
• What am I resisting/not accepting?
• What is my because…?
• Who or what am I blaming?
• Am I ready to accept what is?
• Am I ready to take responsibility? Meaning release ALL blame of myself & others?
• Am I willing to learn from this?

When I take the time to really sit with myself and ask these questions of my heart – the following process might look slightly different each time but the outcome is always the same;

I surrender to what is.

I feel…really, honestly feel.

I soften.

I open my mind and my heart.

I learn from the situation.

I find compassion for myself.

I relax.

My heart opens wider.

I feel some more.

I let go.

I feel deeper.

I release my need to defend and protect.

I soften some more.

I release.

I heal.

I eventually (when it feels complete) move back onto my Spiritual path of happiness and flow.

I hope my story has helped you in some way. There are many more details to the roller coaster ride “my fear of change” took me on and my “ride” here on earth is by no means over or finished but I can navigate myself through the “tough stuff” now by taking full responsibility for my thoughts, emotions, perceptions and choices instead of blaming them away and locking myself back into that prison.

I will leave you with the chorus of a song called “I love my life” by Robbie Williams;

“I love my life. I am powerful, I am beautiful, I am free.

I love my life. I am wonderful, I am magical, I am me.

I love my life.”

You can listen to it here 

Ready to take a really good step towards your own empowerment? When you are ready – the opportunity will appear Silent Retreat June 21st-23rd 2024