Oh…The Stories We Tell

This week we go inward to observe and sit with the stories we tell.

Essentially our entire belief system is attached to a story of some kind. This means every thought, feeling, emotion, behavior and triggers we have, creates a story for us to tell. We tell ourselves these stories and we hold ourselves captive by these stories. It is time to detach from the drama of these stories and instead observe them with curiosity and with a willingness to change the meaning we have attached to them.

“The biggest assumptions that humans make is that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think. Feel the way we feel. Judge the way we judge. And abuse the way we abuse. We are afraid to be ourselves around others because we think others will judge us and blame us as we do ourselves.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

When we peel back the layers of these stories we tell, we often find that the root of the story is based on assumptions that we made. In these assumption, emotions were triggered and stories were created. This means many of our memories and beliefs were created from assumptions. Assumptions based on our own thoughts, fears, emotions, insecurities and judgements.

The biggest problem with assumptions is that we believe them to be the truth

They are not true.

They are assumptions and they are dangerous

They are dangerous because many of our memories and beliefs are derived from these untrue assumptions created from the perspective of our own fears. They are dangerous because we handed down many of these untruths to our children and many of these untruths were handed down to us from our ancestors.

However… when we understand that our belief system was created on these untruths, then we no longer have to believe everything we think.

We can create new beliefs and new agreements.

this is empowering and fantastic news!  

Unbelieving assumed untruths and stories

How do we start the process of unbelieving “truths” based on our own fears and judgements (and our families’ fears and judgements?)

We begin by reading Don Miguel Ruiz book “The Four Agreements” 

We started the process last week by noticing when we have been triggered personally by something someone did or said to us. We then created clarity around this trigger by understanding that what they did or said to us had nothing to do with us and everything to do with the other person and their fears. If we then observed that we were still triggered and not willing to let go of the hurt or the anger – then we began the process of going inward for the answers to what triggers us instead of staying on the hamster wheel of blaming someone else. Last week we learned to “sit with our triggers” essentially I was asking you to “sit with your pain”.  This is not an easy task and if you are still with me – kudo’s to you! Most humans will do anything to avoid sitting with their feelings, their triggers and especially their pain. This is where the work is though. This is where freedom from our triggers, our fears and our limiting belief system lies.

Many of our trigger, fears and pain is caused by these stories we created in our minds by incorrectly assuming something.

This week we practice assuming nothing

ASSUME NOTHING

This week we practice observing the stories we tell (about anything or anyone) without judgement or attachment

The only way to go inward and observe any story we tell is to drop all assumptions.

The only way to observe without judgement is to drop all assumptions.

The only way to detach from the emotions involved is to drop all assumptions.

The only way to detach from the outcome is to drop all assumptions.

We cannot observe and be in the story at the same time

We are either observing it or in the drama of it.

If we are blaming someone and taking it personally then we are in the drama of the story.

If we are caught up in the story based on an incorrect assumption that other humans see, think, feel and judge the same way that we do, then we are in the drama of the story.

The only way out of the drama is to “sit with the story” meaning we sit with our triggers, we sit with our feelings, and we sit with our pain.

We sit and we observe

In sitting, we learn to observe.

In sitting, we learn to witness our thoughts and our emotions.

In sitting, we learn to let our thoughts and emotions be there without judging them or needing them to go away.

When we observe the story we are telling – We are;

• not attached to the outcome unfolding in any particular way
• not needing anyone to see it our way
• not needing anyone to think as we do
• not needing anyone to feel as we do
• not blaming ourselves or anyone else
• not shaming ourselves or anyone else
• not judging ourselves or anyone else

We allow ourselves to feel all that we need to feel but we do not allow ourselves to get swept up in the drama of shaming, blaming or judging ourselves or others based on our assumptions.

In sitting, we learn to feel.

We heal, when we allow ourselves to feel.

The stories or beliefs were created because we had assumptions that we learned when we were young…

• We assumed we all see the same thing
• We assumed we all hear the same thing
• We assumed we all think the same thing
• We assumed we all feel the same thing

These unconscious assumptions where developed when we were young and they are simply not true. We all see life differently, we all hear something different in the same conversation, we all think individually and we all feel differently based on what our current experience is.

Suffering in assuming WE know 

So much of our suffering comes from assuming we know what others are thinking, feeling or experiencing. No one thinks, feels or experiences life in the same way.

 In sitting though, we learn to listen.

In sitting, we learn to be interested in and ask others what they think, what they feel and what they are experiencing. More importantly we learn to listen for their answer. This means we listen with our heart and a willingness to understand them (not fix them, or convince them of anything). We learn to accept others and let them have their fears, beliefs and insecurities without judging them or needing them to change.  

Suffering in assuming THEY know 

So much of our suffering comes from assuming other humans know what we want, think or feel. In our relationships, we often make the mistake of assuming we don’t have to say what we want because the other person knows us so well. We feel hurt if they don’t do what we want – we feel hurt because we assumed we didn’t have to ask and this can create so many other dramas and stories in our minds. All because we assumed incorrectly and didn’t communicate what was in our heart and on our mind.

In sitting though, we learn more about our true selves.

In sitting we discover our own needs and desires

In sitting we learn to speak openly and honestly and communicate our needs effectively.

In sitting we find the courage to ask for what we want.

In sitting we learn to detach from the outcome and simply communicate our truth, while letting others discover their truth.

This week’s intention;

1. Today, I ASSUME NOTHING
2. Today, I observe the stories I tell 
3. Today, I open my mind to others feelings and experiences being different than mine.
4. Today, I listen.
5. Today, I open my ears and my heart to listen in to what others truly think, feel, need and are experiencing.
6. Today, I sit with my pain. (feelings, triggers, beliefs)
7. Today, I ask questions. I ask to understand others
8. Today, I communicate my own needs clearly.

As always, decide each day which intention you want to focus on. Change the wording so that it resonates with you and is true for you.

 You get out of this work, what you put into it.

If you read a book (or a blog) and it resonates with you, but you don’t take the steps in the direction of change, then it is just simply a good book/blog. If you take steps, even baby steps forward and follow through with your intention to change something in your life, then that good book can become a “life-transforming” book.

The choice is yours

“The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz has and continues to be one of those “life-transforming” books for me.

Is it going to be just another book on your bookshelf? Or is it going to be one of those books that changes your life?

The choice is yours

 “When you stop making assumptions, your word becomes impeccable, and your life is completely transformed. Magic just happens in your life. What you need comes to you easily because spirit moves freely through you” ~Don Miguel Ruiz  

If you are interested in private coaching sessions with Leslie;

Call or text 780 722-3442 or email leslie@wellnessdefined.ca

Namaste;

Now…let’s tap this in…